Tag: #life

Like… what? (part ONE)

This existence we have, at least in the human form, is so… perplexing. All of us have our stories, each very unique and valid, that make us who we are and will continue to shape us until the day we die. My story is no more important than anyone else’s. It’s unique and unfinished.

No matter if you believe or not, God has given us a purpose on this earth. Some people discover their path early in life, yet many of us do not, and I feel the majority of us struggle with this.

Ultimately, I know my purpose is to utilize my earthly existence in glorifying God with how I proceed through life. Sure, absolutely, I want to do that!!! But y’all… I AM HUMAN. I don’t know about you, but I despise not knowing “what is next”, and truly understanding the “why” in this crazy, messed up world!

That being said, lol, it’s been a hot minute since I have interacted with this website. I last wrote in October of 2021, and I sit here shaking my head just at the thought of where I have gone since typing those words. And I laugh. 😁🤣 I could probably make this post pages long describing the events of the past 2 years, but I will try not to. I will save details for future posts, as I intend (haha I know….) to write more consistently, using this as a form of therapeutic outlet, entertainment, or something.

I say it all the time, ‘Ya either laugh or cry… I choose laugh’

It’s almost 2am, hence why this is only going to be “part one”… so hang in there. If I don’t publish as I go, there would be very sporadic, ginormous posts. Therefore, bits and pieces are what you get! You also may want to wear your seatbelt, because this is going to be a wild ride! I will try my best to bring everyone up to speed on my life and try to establish some sort of flow with this blog (or whatever it is). Thanks for your patience in this adventure. Love you all.

Life

Unpack that word “life” and what it encompasses and dictionary.com gives us several definitions, one being, the animate existence or period of animate existence of an individual: to risk one’s life; a short life and a merry one. What intrigues me is the synonyms the website gives us:

vivacity, sprightliness, vigor, verve, activity, energy.

Have you faced life with vigor, energy, etc.? What a loaded question! I turned 40 this year… 40! I am not sure if any of us has life pan out as we planned or thought, I know I sure wasn’t even close. A Pandemic, living hundreds of miles from family, career struggles, financial struggles, FOSTER PARENTING. I laugh… you have to or you will cry.

In my 20s I was a picture of success and a vibrant social life. I would say I am almost the complete opposite now, and there is a lot to fill in the blanks there. When I get to heaven, Lord willing, I will definitely ask Him “why”, even though I trust I will probably have the answer by the time I knock on those pearly gates.

I have made a goal of utilizing this blog as a way to channel my life story, hoping maybe someone can learn something or whatever. It has been harder then I thought at getting my “words” out. But thanks to my training in human behavior, I do therapy in my head and try to encourage myself that “I will get there”. Tough statement for someone who feels like the past 10 years have been “You will get there”.

I doubt my parents imagined I’d be 40 and not married, living in Indiana, a social worker and a foster parent with 40 million animals. But here I am. I want to let you all know what I am going through right now, but it has been difficult to let people in. It may be pride, embarrassment, or probably stupid societal expectations of what “success” looks like. I think I will “get there”… soon. Things are in the works, God is working. I see it. It humbles me.

To not leave you hanging, or wondering about what in tarnation I am talking about I will leave you with a snippet that I will dig deeper into some other day. Monday I start a new job, at 40. On the bottom rung of an agency, with the hope that it will allow me to crawl out of this hole and get to where I thought I was going to be 10 years ago. I am nervous, anxious, about starting new. I worked in child services for 6+ years and I knew that job backwards and forwards- I loved it – though it ended up chewing me up inside and spitting me out.

Only a select few know, and I guess I will let it out, my foster kiddo who I have had since September 2020, was taken out of my home May 5 unexpectedly. It was mostly my fault, do to not building a support system and reaching out… and having a young man who was a lot more to handle then I ever thought. But I am his “mommy”, and I want to always be his mommy. So, by God’s grace, I am going to dust off my pride and embarrassment, get help, move forward and be the person that my boys and God desires me to be.

to be continued…